Saturday Stories

by: James Belew

• The idea of packaging certain grocery products with organic material rather than plastic is going viral. Popular in tropical locations, wrapping fruits and vegetable in banana leaves was a simple solution. Necessity is still the mother of invention.
• Miami residents are on hunger strike in protest of gun violence.“We done done the candlelight vigils. We done put teddy bears on the ground,” says organizer Alex Campbell. “We done poured out a little liquor. We done did all those things.” After serving over 22 years in prison for drug sales, he now dedicates his life to his community. My solution would be to flood the street with marijuana in the hopes that everybody chills out. That probably wouldn’t work either.
• California State Senate adjourned early in honor of Thrasher Magazine editor Jake Phelps. Click here for the video.
• In free press news, Instagram has stated that it will not sensor a post made by Alex Jones showing 6 Jewish men sitting at a monopoly table with gold bars. “You call the image anti-Semitic when it was clearly not, but even if it was, where’s free speech?” Alex Jones may be a certifiable nutcase, but if you censor one nutcase, all opinions can be censored. Get mad if I put a group of WASP’s (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) in the same framework. (see photo) Then, make your own picture and express yourself. An eye for an eye means you’d better stab first. That way you’ll have one eye left.
• Amid the gloom and doom of climate change and environmental catastrophe, multiple British mammals have bounced back from near extinction. Among them is the otter. Now, who doesn’t like a good otter story? Do PETA hate animals that eat meat? Maybe we will see a push to make all otters vegan.

Good Money/Bad Money?

• How does a company that lost $911 million dollars last year get evaluated at $20 billion? Ask the bankers that invested in Lyft. Amidst the confusion, watch them sell of their shares before the price plummets. I know no one using their service. I could definitely be wrong. Having just downloaded Uber a couple of years ago, I may be out of touch. Tesla lost even more money this year. How do companies losing a billion dollars per year have high evaluations? Ask the guy on the phone pictured above.
• Dolly Parton donated $200k to volunteer fire departments. Many of them risked their lives in the Great Smokey Mountains fire of 2016. She was also able to give $5k each to 800 families through her My People Fund charity. Dolly is an American treasure.